video game hindsight

A video game magazine asked a bunch of 10- to 13-year-olds to review classic video games. It's pretty funny...

Niko: Hey, Pong. My parents played this game.
Brian: It takes this whole console just to do Pong?
Andrew: This is a lot like that game. Um, whatchamacallit -- air hockey.
Sheldon: Except worse.
Andrew: Blip. Blip. Blip. Blip.
Becky: I don't even see the point of having sound on this.
Andrew: Wow. The score is tied. It's so exhilarating.

EGM: This game was so popular in Japan that
John: They made it into a TV show?
EGM: Well, no. It was so popular that they ran out -
John: Oh, did they make collectible trading cards for it?
EGM: Um, no. It was so popular that there was a shortage of the coins used to play it.
John: But you can get this game on a cell phone. Why would you want to pay for it in an arcade?

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14 Responses:

  1. teferi says:

    I have a pong console. It's still fun.

  2. baconmonkey says:

    reading that article makes me understand my grandparents.

    except, you know, I'm only 15 years older than those kids as opposed to 40-50 years older.

    I'm gonna go shoo people offa my lawn.

    • kfringe says:

      You have a lawn? In my day we made due with a torn up parking lot. I still have scars from that parking lot. My little brother lost his right arm and both legs below the knee on that parking lot. And not everyone had their own lot. All the kids in the neighborhood had to share the one lot, which was actually only big enough to park one car. Half a car! And we could only play on the lot when we weren't working sixteen hours a day in the asbestos factory. Which meant we could only use it on Christmas Day. Four hundred and seventy three and a half children crowding in to play stick-ball in a parking lot the size of half a car. And we didn't have ball. Or a stick. And no one had ever shown us how to play stick-ball. But it didn't matter because in my day it snowed at Christmas. We had real winters back then. So there were four hundred and seventy three and a half children buried under fourteen feet feet of snow in a parking lot the size of half a car to try to play a game we didn't know existed while we slowly froze to death in the bitter cold.

      And we liked it.

  3. abates says:

    I feel so old. :)

  4. loosechanj says:

    I have never seen or played an original Pong machine in my life. I didn't notice anything till Space Invaders.

  5. flim_flam says:

    Kirk: I'm sure everyone who made this game is dead by now.

    • wfaulk says:

      While that statement seems funny, it's amazing how far the video game has come in such a short time. I mean, Space Invaders only came out — holy shit!twenty-five years ago!?!

  6. anonymous says:

    don't read this at work. people now think I'm insane.

  7. cyeh says:

    As a proud owner and player of most of those systems, I got a good laugh out of how far we come, and mesmerized we were over things that seem truly pathetic today.

  8. belgand says:

    This just confirms that today's children are spoiled fuckpig cunts that ought to be slapped until I need to get someone else to continue slapping them. I recall playing older games when I was younger, but I was never such a fucking cock about it. Yeah, there were newer games out that I liked better in many ways, but I wasn't unable to appreciate what came before either.

    The fact that they can't appreciate Tetris... I mean, that's a pretty goddamn immortal game right there, because it's not exciting enough and nothing blows up makes me just question their intelligence.

    Basically the problem is that all these kids are just a bunch of smarmy little assholes. Everything is terribly old to them and Super Mario Bros. was something played by their parents (they're 10 and 11 or so, if their parents played it when they were the same age... well... that means their parents got knocked-up around 13 or 14). They can't sit still and have no tolerance for something that isn't constantly blowing up and full of power-ups and other shite. The problem isn't kids in general, the problem is these kids.

    Then again I always did think the point of ET was to piss you off. Maybe I'm thinking of another game, but that really fucking sucked.

  9. wickedspider says:

    those children are suspiciously witty.

    • riffraff says:

      at first i thought that but then i remembered that at that age i was just as "witty", and also just as unjustly biased and opinonated.