you must be THIS TALL to touch the mailer

I've now reached the point where something like 80% of the spam I get is from "Norton Antivirus For Microsoft Exchange" letting me know that "A VIRUS WAS DETECTED IN A MESSAGE YOU DIDN'T ACTUALLY SEND."

Apparently if you are aware that the From: field can, and often is, forged, you are overqualified to write antivirus software.

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Robert Anton Wilson: the nutcase's nutcase

The Guns and Dope Party

28 August 2003 e.v. After refusing many pleas to run for governor, I have reconsidered and now enter the race as an unofficial write-in candidate. After all, why should I remain the ONLY nutcase in California who ain't running?

My party, the Guns and Dope Party, invites extremists of both right and left to unite behind our shared goals of:

  1. Get those pointy-headed Washington bureaucrats off our backs and off our fronts too!
  2. Guns for everybody who wants them; no guns for those who don't want them

  3. Drugs for everybody who wants them; no drugs for those who don't want them

  4. Freedom of choice, free love,free speech, free Internet and free beer

  5. California secession -- Keep the anti-gun and ant-dope fanatics on the Eastern side of the Rockies

  6. Lotsa wild parties every night by gun-toting dopers

  7. Animal protection -- Support your right to keep and arm bears

[...] First order of business on assuming office: Fire 33% of the legislature [names selected at random] and replace them with full-grown adult ostriches, whose mysterious and awesome dignity will elevate the suidean barbarity long established there.

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Current Music: C0DE

DNA Lounge:

Photos of the Gotham Road / Plan 9 / Hypercenter and Scar Tissue / Kontinuum shows are up now. Scar Tissue was great; it's been far too long since I've seen them. Live drumming, singing through toy megaphones, playing guitar by holding electronic talking toys against the pickups: this is what an industrial show should be. (It should not be, just as a hypothetical example, one guy manning the DAT and another guy doing a VNV Nation impression.)

Both the thursday and sunday shows were, if not our least-attended shows yet, pretty close. We got around 30 people each night, meaning we lost several hundred bucks on each show. I'm still glad we did them, but this place looks pretty barren with that few people in it...

Tomorrow night is the final CODE event, which is sad. Cybrid are performing, and they're a lot of fun, so come see. CODE was the first event we promoted ourselves, and we'd been planning it for almost a year before the club even opened. Though, since it changed its focus a few times, it was really three different events that shared the same name.

The first incarnation was every friday, with alternating fridays being trance-oriented, and drum+bass oriented, respectively. The connecting theme was "electronic music that is fast, dark, angry, and heavily influenced by industrial." Well, that was a flop: few people showed up, and those who did were followers of particular guest djs and didn't come back when their guy wasn't spinning. We had no regulars to speak of, and none of my friends came, because they were scared away by A) unfamiliar-though-similar music, and B) the track-suits-and-baseball-caps dress code of the ravers.

It was costing too much, so for its second incarnation, we moved it to thursday; we kept the same theme in the main room (with a lower budget), but gave the goths their own "industrial ghetto" in the lounge, hoping the two rooms would cross-pollinate. Of course they didn't, at all. At this point, the music booked drifted from "psytrance and drum+bass" to "electro and electro", with the occasional "house" slipping in when guest djs ignored the theme. We had the same 8 goths in the lounge every week, so we gave up on that.

In its third and final incarnation, we turned over the reins to Shane and Amber, letting them do their thing without me and Barry interfering. They made another go at it, doing electro and breaks. But, now they've decided to call it quits, so I guess that's the end of that!

This ending comes shortly after a couple of interesting CODE-related developments: they've been filming a TV show ("CODE TV") which is currently planned to run on public-access, but I gather they're trying to get a slot on one of the local stations. Now that the CODE event is ending, they're planning on taking the cameras around to different clubs.

Also, CODE got a mention in the 2003 Best of the Bay issue of The Guardian. It said:

Best Place to See an Electronic Duo Score 'My Dinner with Andre'
As far as SoMa spaces go, the DNA Lounge has definitely stepped to the plate in the post-1015-relevance era. Resident DJs Shane and Amber have been putting on :CODE there every other Thursday since the club's impressive renovation two years ago, spinning a consistently good mix of acid techno, ghetto breaks, glitch, and drum 'n' bass as well as showcasing live acts when they can. :CODE's a good party, and the night we saw experimental duo Idiom Creak perform was no exception. What was exceptional was watching kids get down to their bizarro breaks while the two scored epochal indie film My Dinner with Andre on the fly. Kids who didn't exist when the film came out in '82 were shakin' it beneath the projected image of Wallace Shawn waxing philosophical as Idiom Creak trickled dialogue into the mix along with their spastic beats.

So, our first award: we got a plaque that says "Best Place to See an Electronic Duo Score My Dinner with Andre", which makes every single person who sees it go, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" or occasionally, "Who's Andre?"

Current Music: Cydonia -- Cactus ♬

sorry kid, Disneyland burned down.

No One Makes It To Burning Man

"No one had their shit together enough to even make it," organizers said Tuesday. "You can't start panhandling quarters for gas the week before the festival and expect to make it here in time, man."
Above: Boulder resident Paul Sandley, who was halfway to Burning Man when his truck "totally konked."

Preserved below for posterity, since The Onion doesn't keep complete archives:

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I am the god of Hail Fire!

Golfball sized hail. Airplane. FIGHT!


how to be a dumbass, by jamie zawinski, age 12

  • buy a paper shredder;
  • pay cash;
  • discover that it is worthless crap;
  • realize that the very first thing you shredded was the receipt.

Yeah, I could go back to the store and spend half an hour fighting with them over it, but I have just now discovered that I would gladly pay the price of the shredder merely to not need to have that fight with someone.

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hail to the chief

Several hundred protesters awaited Bush's arrival at a private fund-raiser. Police officers barred protesters from approaching the home of billionaire Craig McCaw, where Bush was to attend a $2,000-a-plate presidential reelection campaign fundraiser at the exclusive Hunts Point neighborhood near Seattle on August 22.
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Current Music: SMP -- Riotstarter ♬

HAL Mark 3 Prototype Battle Armor

Japan ready to market "robot suit"

Japanese companies are preparing for the commercial launch of a "robot suit" that helps aged or physically disabled people walk, get up the stairs or seat themselves to relax without a chair. Trading house Mitsui and Co. and some 30 other Tokyo firms plan to set up a joint-venture in April or May next year to market the powered suit developed by Yoshiyuki Sankai, professor and engineer at Tsukuba University. [...]

The powered suit, code-named HAL-3 (Hybrid Assistive Leg), consists of a computer and batteries in the backpack as well as four actuators attached around the knees and hip joints. The motor-powered devices guide movement of the legs as the computer calculates the user's next motion by detecting faint electric signals from the muscle, the professor said. With the equipment, the user can walk at a speed of four kilometres (2.5 miles) per hour with little physical exertion and avoid the jerky stop-go moves of ordinary robots. [...]

The new venture plans to lease or sell 10 prototypes next year, targetting hospitals and nursing-care facilities at home and abroad. A mid-term goal for the project is to sell some 100 suits a year at a price of one million yen (8,440 dollars).

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why cooperation with RMS is impossible, part 3

Jono Bacon has done a Death Metal cover of the Stallman classic. (I assume you have already experienced the 1998 Matt Loper techno remix.)
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He's a magician. She's a cop. Together, they fight crime.

Mommy, why do bad things happen to good comic books?

Rachel Weisz (The Mummy) is in talks to star opposite Keanu Reeves in Warner Brothers' upcoming Constantine, a movie based on the DC/Vertigo comic series Hellblazer, according to The Hollywood Reporter.

Francis Lawrence is directing Constantine, described as Dirty Harry set in the occult world. Reeves will star as John Constantine, a man who dabbles in the occult and teams with a female police officer to fight evil forces, the trade paper reported. Weisz would play Angela, an officer who becomes involved with Constantine when her twin sister dies in a mysterious suicide.

Kevin Brodbin (The Glimmer Man) wrote the original script, with a rewrite by Mark Bomback and Frank Cappello.

Lemme summarize that for you:

  • Keanu;
  • Dirty Harry with "magic";
  • Supermodel cop;
  • Twins!
  • "You killed my sister, prepare to die";
    (In case you've forgotten: "Steven Seagal is a soft spoken, mystical, new age New York cop with a checkered past. He is transferred to Los Angeles." Actually, it sounds like the same plot.)
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