the magic, candy-like Life Extension pill

Clinial Trials Starting On Pill Extending Human Lifespan to 120 Years

The new pill contains the protein ependymin, which is produced by the brain and stimulates the body into making its own disease-fighting anti-oxidants. These are found in fruit and vegetables and can combat the damage caused to our bodies as we age. Now researchers claim the new pill has the equivalent effect of eating 30 lbs of fruit and vegetables every day. [...]

The scientists say the ependymin pill will boost average life expectancy from 75 to 120 years. The drug - currently known only as 1152 - could be available over the counter in less than two years and has already been successfully tested on geriatric mice. CereMedix President Steve Parkinson said, "We are all very excited about this drug for obvious reasons. We are confident that this drug will allow people to live an extra 40 years or more."

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13 Responses:

  1. 40 more years of consumer slavery...

    40 more years of helping build the pyramids for the Pharoahs.

    40 more years of wondering what happened to your retirement savings...

    Funny thing is... Bush is trying to kill all life on the planet, right?

    • sw00p says:

      do you really think Bush is the problem? could it be something deeper?

    • jwz says:

      Those of you who think that another 40 years is just too long to live should feel free to, you know, not. Make room for the rest of us.

      • sw00p says:

        i'll see your 40 years and raise you another 40.

      • That's the BIG point... There WON'T be any room... isn't the exponential growth of the population at 7 billion in 8 years and 8 billion 7 years after that?

        • rmitz says:

          Industrial nations aren't experiencing the growth, where this stuff would be available. Rates of childbirth would probably continue to decline in them.

        • belgand says:

          That's one of problems with society. People have decided that children are a right. Who cares if your genes decide that you can't have any, you deserve to pump yourself full of drugs so that you can have squeeze out 7 of the fuckers... gotta keep those bad genes going! People who don't know any better feel that children somehow complete their pathetic, wretched lives and have some. They want to be loved unconditionally and feel this is the way. If every person capable of bearing a child without the use of fertility treatments would only have one child we'd start to get back on track. Not likely anytime soon though.

  2. oh, god. that's all we need.

  3. baconmonkey says:

    wait, so if Jesse Helms took some, would it go back in time a decade and kill him?

  4. waider says:

    I have no joke here, I just like saying "successfully tested on geriatric mice".

  5. kyra says:

    Equivalent to eating 30 lbs of fruits and veggies a day? You'd be spending the entirety of that extra 40 years in the bathroom.

  6. sneakums says:

    I wish these people would focus on increasing quality of life, rather than extending its duration. (I'm not sure if I'd be saying this if I were sixty, but I hope so.)

    • anonymous says:

      Actually, the focus IS on the quality of life. Who wants to live to 120 with disabling disease? If the body's natural antioxidants production could be boosted to the same levels as when we were young, we can potentially combat the numerous age-related diseases that ravange our bodies in the latter years.

      CereMedix's affiliate company, Lifeline Nutraceuticals, is taking this antioxidant up-regulation compound through clinicals trials and to market. Their focus is on "increasing healthy life expectancy," with a strong emphasis on "healthy."

      The website and scientific support data is available at