How to Bless a Seismograph

How to Bless a Seismograph:
According to the 1964 edition of The Roman Ritual, the following prayer/ceremony, to be conducted by a priest with the assistance of one or more other people, is a valid way of blessing a seismograph machine. This prayer was approved by the Congregation of Sacred Rites on Feb. 13, 1924.

Priest:   Our help is in the name of the Lord.
Response:   Who made heaven and earth.
Priest:   The Lord be with you.
Response:   May He also be with you.
Priest:   Let us pray.
Priest:   Almighty everlasting God, whose very gaze causes the Earth to tremble, pour out your blessing on this seismograph; and grant that the signs of the Earth's tremors may be precisely recorded by it, and then rightly interpreted by man, both for the benefit of your people and for the greater glory of your name; through Christ our Lord.
Response:   Amen.
Priest:   O Virgin Mary, in view of your own sorrows take pity on us and pray for us. St. Emidius, pray for us, and in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, protect us and also this seismograph from the terror of earthquakes.
The priest then sprinkles the seismograph with holy water.

How to bless beer:

Priest:   Lord, bless this creature, beer, which by your kindness and power has been produced from kernels of grain, and let it be a healthful drink for mankind. Grant that whoever drinks it with thanksgiving to your holy name may find it a help in body and in soul; through Christ our Lord.
Response:   Amen.
The priest then sprinkles the beer with holy water.

This book is online, and there's lots more of this kind of stuff in there, like "Blessing of an Electric Dynamo" and "Blessing of LARD".

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Current Music: Cranes -- And Ever ♬

9 Responses:

  1. loosechanj says:

    I would have thought #29 would cover it all.

  2. m4dh4tt3r says:

    jwz, you find the weirdest shit on the net. i applaud you. i am sure i can find a use for this little gem in some sort of culture jamming activity.

  3. marmoset says:

    "Dear Lord, bless this rocket house and all those who live within this rocket house."

  4. en_ki says:

    For some reason, A Canticle For Leibowitz comes to mind.

  5. bitwise says:

    Makes a wonderful dadadodo corpus.

    Amen. Lord, God, our help of his enemies and return Him
    flee continuing the industry. Mercifully consecrated and
    longer fear and reign forever. God, beside you: were
    which have No longer until. May contain. Who ride on
    the person, with holy rosary of the harp.

  6. willco says:

    Funny, I always thought it was something more like,

    "Saint Andrew, protect us from our faults!"

    As I recall, the previous edition was almost entirely in Latin. From 1963 on, most everything was published in local vulgar (i.e., "common").

  7. Great. Now that infernal "The Power of Lard" song you mentioned years ago on your personal web pages has returned to my mind. It was only fair to post a comment to share the joy with you. Bwahahahaha.

    The BLESSING... of LARD!!!

    The BLESSING... of LARD!!!

    The BLESSING... of LARD!!!

  8. msjen says:

    Wouldn't you think that this blessing would water down the sacred beer?