lowbrow media report

  • I knew I could count on Mr. Zombie to deliver on the schlock horror front, and House of a Thousand Corpses did not disappoint. There are evil clown psychos, "Doctor Satan", premature burial bunny suits, and Karen Black. Joe Bob says check it out.

    The first half is great, but the second half kind of tapers off. At first I was thinking, "ok, he's doing the `Natural Born Killers' thing instead of the `Hills Have Eyes' thing." But no, once the second half gets going, it's the 'Hills Have Eyes' thing. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you.

    It must be a fucking blast to be Rob Zombie.

  • The SciFi Channel is rerunning Cleopatra 2525 which I recommend most enthusiastically. I was totally bummed when that show got cancelled: it's Kung Fu Barbarella! It worked because it was a comedy in which the characters all thought they were in an action movie (as opposed to the never-funny Xena, where the characters all knew they were in a comedy.) And there's actually some interesting future-history world-building hidden in there, too. Plus, did I mention, kung fu wire-fighting Cyberdog girls. Oh, and also giant robots and evil clowns (as above.)

  • Tremors the Series sucks, don't even bother.

  • "Dude, Where's My Sacred Scroll?" was a perfectly adequate kung fu movie. Good fights, and it was not nearly the groaner I expected from the previews. Keanu-bot and Avril-bot versus the Super-Nazi! (no, not the Red Skull, though that would have been cool.) This movie featured no clowns whatsoever.

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12 Responses:

  1. icis_machine says:

    C2525 was just an excuse to be a mostly naked chick. were you swayed by that propaganda?

    • atakra says:

      You mean you didn't catch the poignant social statements that C2525 was all about? Lets see, watching that show I learned...
      1. Bald men in leather are not all gay.
      2. Just because a chick may have a great body and a pretty face, that doesn't mean that she's mind numbingly stupid.
      3. The future is now.
      4. Clowns are not all that funny.
      5. Karate lessons will get you on TV.
      6. It must be great to be a seamstress in LA.

      Seriously tho, that was my favorite show when it was on.

    • jwz says:

      Fight the power, sister.

  2. jcurious says:

    Cleopatra 2525 doesn't hold a candle to Lexx

    • jwz says:

      The first season of Lexx was really good (the four movie-length episodes) and the second season was decent, but they lost me with the Water/Fire-planet season. And then they sunk to even deeper depths of lameness when they went to Earth, full-on Galactica 1980 style (shorthand for "we can't afford sets and props any more".) Feh. Feh, I say!

    • baconmonkey says:

      bah, they're both quasi-porn for people who don't want to admit they're watching porn.

      I dunno, 2525 was so shlocky and campy with awful special effect the one time I saw it that it caused me physical pain and made me vow to never watch it again. Both shows have more cheese than California, Wisconsin, and France combined. If I recall, 2525 had a bungling, clumsy, airhead liability tagalong, like a jar-jar binks with tits that could actually sorta speak clearly.

  3. treylis says:

    House of a Thousand Corpses wasn't that bad until the cops got killed... my suspension of disbelief failed after that, because I know that that sort of thing isn't possible. When the police know the where, have found a body in a smashed car of one of the missing girls, and would have radioed before going into the house, but, then never radioing coming back... bleh. I tried to ignore, but I felt that that was definitely beyond some nitpicky detail. The few other issues that I had with the film were relatively minor, and I think that's too bad, because otherwise I think it could have been rather enjoyable for me.

  4. flipzagging says:

    Has there ever been a movie about young heavily pierced goth kids driving on a lonely road in the USA, but their car breaks down, forcing them to seek shelter in the house of some squeaky-clean yet homicidally insane Bible thumpers?

    This could work, I think. The concept seems so obvious though...

  5. fo0bar says:

    I knew tremors the series sucked from watching the commercials. They pronounced Nevada wrong. You can tell that somebody is new to this state (or has never stepped foot in it) if they say Nevahda.

    "Apple", not "odd". I love this state. It's 4:30AM: excuse me while I run down to the gas station to get liquor and play video poker :)