Google Bomb Day!

I'm told this is a fake (Google wasn't actually hacked) but it's pretty funny anyway.
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A Warmonger Explains War to a Peacenik

A Warmonger Explains War to a Peacenik
By Bill Davidson

    PN:  So, likewise, if the world called on us to do something, such as find a peaceful solution, we would have an obligation to listen?
    WM:  By "world", I meant the United Nations.
    PN:  So, we have an obligation to listen to the United Nations?
    WM:  By "United Nations" I meant the Security Council.
    PN:  So, we have an obligation to listen to the Security Council?
    WM:  I meant the majority of the Security Council.
    PN:  So, we have an obligation to listen to the majority of the Security Council?
    WM:  Well... there could be an unreasonable veto.

...and so on. It's pretty funny.

<LJ-CUT text=" --More--( 9%) ">


PeaceNik:  Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?
WarMonger:  We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of Security Council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate Security Council resolutions.
PN:  But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.
WM:  It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over New York.
PN:  Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.
WM:  Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.
PN:  But I thought Iraq did not have any long range missiles for attacking us or our allies with such weapons.
WM:  The risk is not Iraq directly attacking us, but rather terrorist networks that Iraq could sell the weapons to.
PN:  But couldn't virtually any country sell chemical or biological materials? We sold quite a bit to Iraq in the Eighties ourselves, didn't we?
WM:  That's ancient history. Look, Saddam Hussein is an evil man that has an undeniable track record of repressing his own people since the early Eighties. He gasses his enemies. Everyone agrees that he is a power-hungry lunatic murderer.
PN:  We sold chemical and biological materials to a power-hungry lunatic murderer?
WM:  The issue is not what we sold, but rather what Saddam did. He is the one that launched a pre-emptive first strike on Kuwait.
PN:  A pre-emptive first strike does sound bad. But didn't our ambassador to Iraq, April Glaspie, know about and green-light the invasion of Kuwait?
WM:  Let's deal with the present, shall we? As of today, Iraq could sell its biological and chemical weapons to Al Qaida. Osama Bin Laden himself released an audio tape calling on Iraqis to suicide-attack us, proving a partnership between the two.
PN:  Osama Bin Laden? Wasn't the point of invading Afghanistan to kill him?
WM:  Actually, it's not 100% certain that it's really Osama Bin Laden on the tapes. But the lesson from the tape is the same: there could easily be a partnership between Al Qaida and Saddam Hussein unless we act.
PN:  Is this the same audio tape where Osama Bin Laden labels Saddam a secular infidel?
WM:  You're missing the point by just focusing on the tape. Powell presented a strong case against Iraq.
PN:  He did?
WM:  Yes, he showed satellite pictures of an Al Qaida poison factory in Iraq.
PN:  But didn't that turn out to be a harmless shack in the part of Iraq controlled by the Kurdish opposition?
WM:  And a British intelligence report...
PN:  Didn't that turn out to be copied from an out-of-date graduate student paper?
WM:  And reports of mobile weapons labs...
PN:  Weren't those just artistic renderings?
WM:  And reports of Iraqis scuttling and hiding evidence from inspectors...
PN:  Wasn't that evidence contradicted by the chief weapons inspector, Hans Blix?
WM:  Yes, but there is plenty of other hard evidence that cannot be revealed because it would compromise our security.
PN:  So there is no publicly available evidence of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq?
WM:  The inspectors are not detectives, it's not their JOB to find evidence. You're missing the point.
PN:  So what is the point?
WM:  The main point is that we are invading Iraq because Resolution 1441 threatened "severe consequences." If we do not act, the Security Council will become an irrelevant debating society.
PN:  So the main point is to uphold the rulings of the Security Council?
WM:  Absolutely. ...unless it rules against us.
PN:  And what if it does rule against us?
WM:  In that case, we must lead a coalition of the willing to invade Iraq.
PN:  Coalition of the willing? Who's that?
WM:  Britain, Turkey, Bulgaria, Spain, and Italy, for starters.
PN:  I thought Turkey refused to help us unless we gave them tens of billions of dollars.
WM:  Nevertheless, they may now be willing.
PN:  I thought public opinion in all those countries was against war.
WM:  Current public opinion is irrelevant. The majority expresses its will by electing leaders to make decisions.
PN:  So it's the decisions of leaders elected by the majority that is important?
WM:  Yes.
PN:  But George Bush wasn't elected by voters. He was selected by the U.S. Supreme C...
WM:  I mean, we must support the decisions of our leaders, however they were elected, because they are acting in our best interest. This is about being a patriot. That's the bottom line.
PN:  So if we do not support the decisions of the president, we are not patriotic?
WM:  I never said that.
PN:  So what are you saying? Why are we invading Iraq?
WM:  As I said, because there is a chance that they have weapons of mass destruction that threaten us and our allies.
PN:  But the inspectors have not been able to find any such weapons.
WM:  Iraq is obviously hiding them.
PN:  You know this? How?
WM:  Because we know they had the weapons ten years ago, and they are still unaccounted for.
PN:  The weapons we sold them, you mean?
WM:  Precisely.
PN:  But I thought those biological and chemical weapons would degrade to an unusable state over ten years.
WM:  But there is a chance that some have not degraded.
PN:  So as long as there is even a small chance that such weapons exist, we must invade?
WM:  Exactly.
PN:  But North Korea actually has large amounts of usable chemical, biological, AND nuclear weapons, AND long range missiles that can reach the west coast AND it has expelled nuclear weapons inspectors, AND threatened to turn America into a sea of fire.
WM:  That's a diplomatic issue.
PN:  So why are we invading Iraq instead of using diplomacy?
WM:  Aren't you listening? We are invading Iraq because we cannot allow the inspections to drag on indefinitely. Iraq has been delaying, deceiving, and denying for over ten years, and inspections cost us tens of millions.
PN:  But I thought war would cost us tens of billions.
WM:  Yes, but this is not about money. This is about security.
PN:  But wouldn't a pre-emptive war against Iraq ignite radical Muslim sentiments against us, and decrease our security?
WM:  Possibly, but we must not allow the terrorists to change the way we live. Once we do that, the terrorists have already won.
PN:  So what is the purpose of the Department of Homeland Security, color-coded terror alerts, and the Patriot Act? Don't these change the way we live?
WM:  I thought you had questions about Iraq.
PN:  I do. Why are we invading Iraq?
WM:  For the last time, we are invading Iraq because the world has called on Saddam Hussein to disarm, and he has failed to do so. He must now face the consequences.
PN:  So, likewise, if the world called on us to do something, such as find a peaceful solution, we would have an obligation to listen?
WM:  By "world", I meant the United Nations.
PN:  So, we have an obligation to listen to the United Nations?
WM:  By "United Nations" I meant the Security Council.
PN:  So, we have an obligation to listen to the Security Council?
WM:  I meant the majority of the Security Council.
PN:  So, we have an obligation to listen to the majority of the Security Council?
WM:  Well... there could be an unreasonable veto.
PN:  In which case?
WM:  In which case, we have an obligation to ignore the veto.
PN:  And if the majority of the Security Council does not support us at all?
WM:  Then we have an obligation to ignore the Security Council.
PN:  That makes no sense.
WM:  If you love Iraq so much, you should move there. Or maybe France, with all the other cheese-eating surrender monkeys. It's time to boycott their wine and cheese, no doubt about that.
PN:  Here... have a pretzel, instead.
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oh, these post-ironic times

Justice Scalia Bans Media From Speech

CLEVELAND (AP) -- Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia banned broadcast media from his speech Wednesday at an appearance where he received an award for supporting free speech. [...]

Scalia made the same demand on John Carroll University, where he spoke Tuesday night. He talked mostly about the constitutional protection of religions, but also said that government has room to scale back individual rights during wartime without violating the Constitution.

"The Constitution just sets minimums," Scalia said. "Most of the rights that you enjoy go way beyond what the Constitution requires."

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Current Music: Halou -- Clip ♬

Direct Narcissism

"This isn't about you"

[...] Aside from this rather unappealing psychological profile of the direct-actionist mentality, there are three major problems with this approach as a strategy. First and foremost is its almost child-like naivete. What, exactly, is the point of trying to infiltrate Vandenberg Air Force Base? It's hard to believe they really think they can win a pitched battle against squadrons of enraged Military Police. No one doubts the ability of the U.S. military to fend off such a hare-brained assault: what the nutball caucus of the antiwar movement is counting on is the unwillingness of the authorities to make martyrs out of them. But, if I were them, I wouldn't count on it. As the Sacramento Bee reports: [...]

The road to sainthood often ends in martyrdom. Are these crackpots really willing to go that far? I hope not. It is clear, at any rate, that such a strategy would be largely ineffective. That is, it would not accomplish its ostensible goal: to stop or even slow down the U.S. assault on Iraq. On the other hand, it would succeed in giving John Ashcroft and the War Party a perfect means by which to test the more draconian clauses of the "Patriot" Act -- and a rationale for proposing even harsher legislation in the near future. [...]

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I guess I ought to get some groceries

Red alert? Stay home, await word
Sunday, March 16, 2003
By TOM BALDWIN Gannett State Bureau TRENTON

If the nation escalates to "red alert," which is the highest in the color-coded readiness against terror, you will be assumed by authorities to be the enemy if you so much as venture outside your home, the state's anti-terror czar says.

"This state is on top of it," said Sid Caspersen, New Jersey's director of the office of counter-terrorism.

<LJ-CUT text=" --More--(35%) ">

Caspersen, a former FBI agent, was briefing reporters, alongside Gov. James E. McGreevey, on Thursday, when for the first time he disclosed the realities of how a red alert would shut the state down.

A red alert would also tear away virtually all personal freedoms to move about and associate.

"Red means all noncritical functions cease," Caspersen said. "Noncritical would be almost all businesses, except health-related."

A red alert means there is a severe risk of terrorist attack, according to federal guidelines from the Department of Homeland Security.

"The state will restrict transportation and access to critical locations," says the state's new brochure on dealing with terrorism.

"You must adhere to the restrictions announced by authorities and prepare to evacuate, if instructed. Stay alert for emergency messages."

Caspersen went further than the brochure. "The government agencies would run at a very low threshold," he said.

"The state police and the emergency management people would take control over the highways.

"You literally are staying home, is what happens, unless you are required to be out. No different than if you had a state of emergency with a snowstorm."

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ewethanasia

"The brakes were useless, the car was wandering. The rear end was coming around. I jammed it down into Low, but it made no difference so I straightened it out and braced for a serious impact, a crash that would probably kill me..... My heart was full of joy as I took the first hit, which was oddly soft and painless. No real shock at all....Yes. These huge white lumps were not boulders. They were sheep."
-- Hunter S. Thompson
"We look up to see the Dutch cops looking at us with absolute horror. The Germans are looking a bit confused and real not certain what to do. The Greek Captain was looking on with a bit of amusement and said "so much for the picnic". There were several cars stopped and I realized what I must look like to them holding a bloody stick wearing my Dainese body armor and splattered with streaks of blood... Oh I am definitely not going to get the key to the city this year."
-- Some guy named Dave

From: jhdiii
Subject: ewethanasia

(Dave's an American, stationed in a NATO base in the Netherlands, and this was taken from the BMW GS [motorcycle] list)

Interesting morning for me. I was cruising in to work using the back gate entrance when I went 1 vs. 2 with sheep (plural). The back road to GK (Geilenkirchen) Airbase is a tasty little road that is actually on in the NL/German border. GK is unique in the fact that it actually touches two countries, and the rear exit is actually in the Netherlands.

Anyway I'm cruising along and spot something(s) in a ditch. I was running the ID matrix when the somethings scattered two on to the road. They were sheep. Luckily there were the local "punk" sheep which are pretty small, If they would have been Aussie or Navajo spec units I would be probably writing this with a straw.

Anyway- I struck the first one with the right "jug" right on its wooly little noggin. The second one I hit/ ran over its rear end. It happened in a flash. I would like to think it was my quick thinking and lightning reflexes that kept me up, but it was probably blind panic and unholy luck.

I came to a stop and basically did the "Holy Fu-- what the hell just happened?" check list.

There was a school bus behind me, so he stopped and being a good German, he called the cops. I checked my bike and incredibly there is no visible damage just fur bone, blood and sheep feces (now cooking on the pipes). Mishap: animal number 1 is lying in the road doing it best James Brown on crack impression frothing blood and basically dying a slow painful death. I can't really describe the sounds, but I now know what a camel stuck in an accordion must sound like. The driver tells me that he has called the cops and that they should be here momentarily. Moments are measured in 15 min increments in Europe.

During this time the kids from the bus have piled out and are watching in horror as sheep num 1 plays out its last moments. Little girls are crying, boys are poking it with a stick, and I now realize to these kids I am for all intents and purposes the sheep slaying Anti-Christ and poor "Brunhilda III" is my pale horse. 30 min later the German 5-0 shows up. They talk to the bus driver and tell him he can go.

About this time the Dutch cops show up. Which I figured was cool because they will speak English. Not that simple. They were there for a reason. The German heat called them because apparently I hit the sheep in the Netherlands but the body ended up in Germany...... Oh joy, now it is a Trans border incident. A few minutes later a detachment from the base International Military Police show up, dispatched because it was a Auto (moto?) Accident involving NATO personnel, so now we have Two German Cops, Two Dutch cops, A Norwegian Staff Sergeant and a Greek Captain plus a German civilian "translator" who really served no point because everyone there spoke English... most better than him.

It is now that the second sheep decides to make its presence known. It has an obviously crushed pelvis and is dragging its rear around and generally making a mess... The Greek Captain obviously know sheep and pronounces her done for. (How the hell can you tell the sex of a sheep from 25 meters out?)

Anyway. He said "someone needs to put it out of its misery". So we all looked at the Dutch police since it was on their side of the road. The Senior Dutch cops said with what? I said " Um a gun?" They said "We are a traffic unit we don't carry fire arms" they said it in such a way that implied that was an obvious fact. I responded "what kind of cop doesn't carry a gun?" SSGt Jensen (Norwegian) leaned over and said "Dutch ones apparently". I then realized the Germans weren't wearing any iron either. They saw me looking and said "oh we have Fire arms....they are in the car, but we can't take them in to the Netherlands..." Great do you have to call Andy and ask if you can load them? Now I am thinking, "Dude it's across the road, and it wouldn't be the first time armed Germans crossed uninvited....."

Jensen at this point asks if we carry the sheep over here can you (the Germans) shoot it. The Germans ask him why he doesn't shoot it. He replies he is only allowed to use his weapon on base or in self defense...

Lesson learned: Wounded sheep don't want to be picked up. At first we try to gently herd it towards the fatherland, and it is doing a good job of dodging us. It simply won't cross the road. Seven grown men can't mange to get one crippled sheep contained. I'm starting to get pissed. I'm an hour late, my bike is covered in crap (literally). So pick up a stick and take a swing out of frustration and actually mange to connect with poor little bastard, Jensen grabs a stick and we soon are clubbing the hell out of this thing. It just will not die. I am hammering away at its skull with a good sized log/club and Jensen's big Viking ass is pounding home like Big Mac and this things is just stumbling and bleating and bleeding. I'm cussing and screaming "Die you SOB just F----ing die" Finally it gives up the ghost and Jensen and I are high fiveing and generally making asses out of our selves. We look up to see the Dutch cops looking at us with absolute horror. The Germans are looking a bit confused and real not certain what to do. The Greek Captain was looking on with a bit of amusement and said "so much for the picnic". There were several cars stopped and I realized what I must look like to them holding a bloody stick wearing my Dainese body armor and splattered with streaks of blood... Oh I am definitely not going to get the key to the city this year.

So with "THAT" out of the way I end up doing the paperwork with Dutch cops. They ask for my insurance and registration the usual. They wanted to know that if the owner came forward did I want him to contact me directly or base legal. I said Eh don't worry about it, there doesn't seem to be any damage to my bike.

They seemed confused, then Jensen explained....no they want you to pay for the sheep. I said "You gotta be Fu---ing kidding me?" " R U people out your GD minds? What the hell R U babbling about? You want ME who was using a public road, to pay for two unauthorized, escape, border jumping sheep? What the hell are you smoking?" They seemed a little taken a back, and said "but you hit them" I replied "of course I hit them, they were in the damn road, it's not like I was cruising through a barn.' They replied, "sorry my friend that is the law". Sh-- - I don't even like mutton after all that time in Saudi. Oh well I guess I will have a Bar-B-Q or something. Guess what. You don't get to keep the sheep. Ain't that a bitch? I may have to pay some numbnutz a fist full of Marks (maybe guilders) and I don't even get to keep the sheep. Color me pissed. Maybe I should charge them vet fees for my act of Ewethanasia.

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the scum speak

Life During Wartime:
"I don't know if the majority of people in this society are ready to drop their conventional beliefs at the drop of a dime and instantly realize the benefits and great fun that can be had by looting, street fighting with the police, and blocking major roads. To me, that would be an optimistic situation."
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the paranoia show

This is a pretty interesting message asking the musical question, "how you know when things have gotten bad enough to drop your shit and run?"

But on the other hand, someone else (I forget who) said: "You have two choices: live under US domestic policy; or live under US foreign policy."

I'm gonna go ahead and guess that it's safer to live inside the Empire than outside.

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Stargate Dialer Simulator

Stargate Dialer Simulator: This is an amazingly detailed/obsessive simulation of the dialing computer from Stargate SG-1: it lets you click on glyphs to dial, and occasionally someone tries to dial in... It's Flash, but it comes packed inside Mac and Windows executables (the latter runs fine for me under WINE.)
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(this will only be funny if you regularly went to House of Usher 9+ years ago)

Last night at the Death Guild anniversary, they played that Malign song (it might as well not even have a name, since it's the only one that ever gets played) and I went up and fed Ed and Mollie a punchline, which was that after the song they should get on the mic and say "that was San Francisco's own Malign! On sale at coat check!" Of course they didn't, because neither of them understand comedy.
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Current Music: Fluke -- Slid ♬