by Paul Demko
The quotes below are complaints reported by clients of Room 111, a public health clinic in St. Paul that treats people for sexually transmitted diseases. Nurses at the clinic began creating the list two decades ago; it now includes several hundred comments.
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- "I have reason to believe my penis was exposed to LSD. When I ejaculate I have flashbacks."
- "My hair is falling out and the sun hurts my crotch."
- "I went to a party, had a few beers, woke up in a closet later on and my face stunk and my dick hurt."
- "My last period looked like meat."
- "My balls feel soft and mushy."
- "I be messin' with these nasty women from Minnesota and they don't tell you they got something unless they mad at you."
- "How am I supposed to do lap dances smelling like a dead fish?"
- "I got the dripper."
- "I have food chunks in my urine."
- "Had sex with my daughter's fiance and then douched with Lysol--feelin' a little raw down there."
- "Scabs on my butt and I'm losing my mind."
- "I'm releasing semen when I take a crap."
- "I was poked in the rectum with the infected finger of a 70-year-old homosexual man."
- "I live at the VA and my roommate has his girlfriend from Minneapolis over. They throw ticks at me that bite my neck and when I pop the sores, they smell like vagina juice."
- "Can't you put the swab in further?"
- "I had sex with my baby's momma, sex with my other baby's momma and my other new baby's momma has disease."
- "Last time I had sex I passed something that looked like Cream of Wheat before it's cooked."
- "My cervix hurts when I jiggle."
- "The seam in my circumcision split open."
- "I be messin' with my ex-wife and my girlfriend and I don't trust either of them."
- "My whole body smells like a menstruating woman, especially my armpits."
- "From the looks of my penis, I believe they are sucking the adrenaline out of me."
- "I think they hypnotized me and put implants and poltergeists in my brain and had sex with me."
- "I think my boyfriend knows what's going on. He's been calling me a 'chlamydiahoris.'"
- "My pee smells like ham."
Courtney Love grieves the loss of her cherished pet, who ate a 'souvenir' the rocker had removed long ago
Doug Camilli, The Gazette
Tuesday, October 29, 2002
I'm sorry, but I've got to admit that Courtney Love is rapidly becoming my very favourite celebrity of all.
I mean, I can't listen to her music, and she really can't act, and she desperately needs to get some fresh air and exercise and sun, and exactly what is wrong with her hair, anyway? But how can a columnist - or a reader - not love stuff like this: her beloved Pomeranian pooch fell over dead after eating one of her breast implants. I'm not making this up. I couldn't; I'm too close to normal.
Through a publicist, Love explained to the New York Post that she had the implants removed some years ago, but kept them as souvenirs. She's not sure what was in them, because "they were bootleg implants from Mexico." She's supposedly disconsolate over the loss.
RABAT (Reuters) - Moroccan surgeons have relieved a 75-year-old woman of what she thought was a long-standing tumor but turned out to be the remains of a 46-year-old fetus, Moroccan newspapers said Thursday.
The woman had complained of abdominal pains, so she underwent surgery in July by a team led by Professor Taibi Ouazzani in Rabat's Avicennes hospital, the newspapers Al Ahdath al-Maghribia and L'Opinion said.
How the team determined how long the woman had carried the fetus was not disclosed, and officials at Avicennes were not immediately available for comment.
Ouazzani's team plans to show a video about the surgery at a news conference Friday.
Wednesday, October 30, 2002
EVANSVILLE, Ind. (AP) -- A French woman faces a felony charge of disorderly conduct at an airport after she allegedly undressed to her waist in an angry outburst at security screeners.
A judge Tuesday found probable cause for the charge against Eliane Yvonne Marcele Aguillaume, 56, of Paris. She also faces misdemeanor charges of resisting law enforcement and public indecency.
Aguillaume burst into tears when the judge explained the possible penalties. She declined to comment to reporters after the hearing.
The felony disorderly conduct charge was made possible in a state law passed after the 2001 terrorist attacks. The law, which took effect July 1, set a sentence range of six months to three years.
Prosecutors would consider whether the incident rose to the level of a felony, Deputy Prosecutor Dawnya Taylor said.
Authorities say Aguillaume kept reaching inside her sweater, forcing guards to re-search her, during a routine screening Monday at Evansville Regional Airport.
After a screener attempted to use a metal-detecting wand, Aguillaume became upset and allegedly removed her sweater, shirt and bra.
Police said Aguillaume tried to pull away as an officer attempted to handcuff her. She later dropped to the ground and refused to get up.
Aguillaume was released from jail on $5,300 bond. She was scheduled to be formally charged Friday.
I am just amazed at how pathologically broken it is, and I'm well accustomed to some pretty pathological brokenness.
MacOS X is sounding better every day. At least then I'd be being fucked over merely by a soulless megacorp, rather than a bunch of teenagers who think my desktop is their learning experience. Is that an improvement? I can't decide, but I think so.
It couldn't be too hard to port xscreensaver to Cocoa, could it? Maintaining both branches would suck, though, so if I switched, I'd have to orphan the X version, since I'm sure as hell not writing a "compatibility layer". So throwing that switch is a big step.
I mean, there's no doubt in my mind that the reason is Completely Fucking Stupid, but I'm curious what the rationale is anyway.
And further, why, after the decade-plus that we've had graphical web browsers, the software doesn't compensate for this silliness when displaying images? I'm pretty sure that JPEG files can include the gamma with which the images were created, making it possible for it to adjust the image appropriately when rendering it to a different screen, and yet, no software seems to do that.
I noticed this most recently when I walked by rzr_grl's machine and saw her copy of this entry, and thought, ``Oh, look at that. I guess bluce has a Mac; here I'd been assuming he just posted a picture that was almost entirely black.'' But no, it looks fine on her screen.