the unplumbable depths of dipshittery

So some moron sends spam to my mailing list about, I don't know, his band touring the Boston suburbs or something. And since it's a moderated list, it bounces back to him with "not on the accept list." (And need I even mention that his message was of course both unsolicited and totally off topic for the list.)

Then I get a message back from him:

Hello, you've reached Joe's automated junk-mail filter! Please read this message carefully, it is NOT AN ERROR or a BOUNCE!

The email you sent is being withheld from Joe until you confirm that you're a real person and not an email spammer. All you have to do is send an empty message to the following address (you can probably use your mailer's "Reply" feature):

    [blah blah blah]

This one-time confirmation will verify that you are real, and that your messages are legitimate and not junk-mail. Thanks for bearing with this ungainly process ... but let's face it, spam stinks!

I would like you all to do me a favor. Please take a moment to send a message to and tell him to choke on a bucket of dicks.

And make sure you confirm the message so that he's sure to see it!


Tags: ,
Current Music: Fluke -- Absurd ♬

12 Responses:

  1. chrisg says:

    That's a stupid kind of spam "protection" - all it really does is annoy the people that want to send you email. I looked at a package like that before, thought that I wouldn't want to have to deal with that just to send someone email, and didn't bother. Besides, a large access file for Postfix, plus SpamAssassin, works wonders.

    • yakko says:

      I find that 100% of my text/html "email" is spam, so, if you also run procmail as your local MDA, this'll do it:

      # junk totally-HTML mail first
      * ^Content-Type: (text|TEXT)/(html|HTML)

      spam-be-gone! In conjunction with spamassassin, it's cut my inbox clutter way down, tho I really need to find a way to dispose of all these copies of klez that make it thru.

    • chronicfreetime says:

      If you receive email from a relatively small set of people I think it would be alright. If I started doing something like that, I would have many years of inbox with which to seed the approved address list.

      • chrisg says:

        I don't have an approved address list, it's a list of domains which to block completely :)

        Thankfully, a lot of the spammers use their own domains, so it's fairly easy. Most of what does get through is addressed from various free email providers like hotmail/yahoo/etc, which I can't really block without causing other problems.

        Of course, if I wanted to, I could block everybody except approved addresses. But that's too much of a pain in the ass to do.

  2. cyantist says:

    To :
    Cc :
    Subject : this is not an automated message or reply!
    ----- Message Text -----

    You should seriously consider eating a cup, bowl, bucket, hamper,
    washing machine, trunk, dump-truck, rig, giant stadium, and a meteor
    crater full of dicks - you spammer.


    • mattlazycat says:

      .. that's a lot (un)lucky people called Richard..

    • cyantist says:

      hrm, ok, now i feel bad for doing this.

      • rzr_grl says:

        Yeah, me too.
        Are we soft, or what?!

        • jwz says:

          If you want to play mister anti-spam hardass, you should not be expecting a friendly response when your ill-conceived tools misfire.

          It's like making a spelling error when flaming someone's spelling error. If you choose to go there, you get the response you deserve.

  3. ioerror says:

    Jamie you have the best way of putting words sometimes. (unlike say ... me with that last sentence)

    I quote:

    ...tell him to choke on a bucket of dicks.

    Funny funny.