A New Life, Soaked in Flammable Liquid

A New Life, Soaked in Flammable Liquid

She giggled as the pump turned on. Next thing I knew, gas was dumping all over the ground, and she was crying, with this weird wimper: "Uunngggh, uuunngghh, uunggghhh." I stuck my head around the island and saw that she had her hand on the handle and 92 octane was spewing out full blast. Apparently, after the gas turned on she just grabbed the handle and squoze, shooting gas straight up in the air, because she was also covered in gas from her hair to her tank top and down to her Brit Spears lowriders.

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From: "Jon Hall" <jonhall@worldnet.att.net>
Date: Fri, 30 Aug 2002 02:19:16 GMT

Hiya, Folks.

The brother of one of my wife's friends works for the University of Texas. He was kind enough to share this tale of Freshmania, and I was so impressed by it that I thought I'd pass it along to you. Enjoy.


Don's 1st Experience with UT Class of 2006

It's always nice on campus with the incoming Freshmen in bloom. I will usually point out a building or two. Sometimes as staff, we volunteer to help them move into their dorms, etc. But sometimes they show up rather ill-equipped for life on their own.

Today, 8/21, I was filling up my truck when a young lady pulled up to the tank on the other side of my island. She fumbled with the credit- card slot, and then asked, "How does this work?" She had her HS tassels hanging from her rearview and a car full of clothes and furniture.

I recommended she try inserting the card. "I did that," she retorted. I said, "The way the black stripe goes matters." She giggled as the pump turned on.

Next thing I knew, gas was dumping all over the ground, and she was crying, with this weird wimper: "Uunngggh, uuunngghh, uunggghhh." I stuck my head around the island and saw that she had her hand on the handle and 92 octane was spewing out full blast. Apparently, after the gas turned on she just grabbed the handle and squoze, shooting gas straight up in the air, because she was also covered in gas from her hair to her tank top and down to her Brit Spears lowriders. I yelled at her, "Let go of the handle, honey."

Luckily, I had the island as protection, because as soon as she heard my voice she turned, spraying gas right at me, but splashing it most of it on the bank of gas pumps and only splattering it on my face.

She was bawling now and hopping slightly, all the while saying, "Uuunggghh, uuuunngghh, uuunnggh."

But she had a firm grip on the handle: By now the pump read $3.40 and counting.

I screamed at an attendant to shut off the pump and calmly turned to her. "Sweetie, that lever you are squeezing in your hand is causing gas to come out of the nozzle. Take your hand off the handle!"

She slowly grasped my remarks by lifting her nozzle hand up and looking at it closely, thereby turning the nozzle and causing gas to spray directly into her front seat. Finally, she dropped the nozzle at the same time the pumps shut off. She was totally bawling now, screaming, "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," and kind of running in place.

The attendants were spraying the area with foam, and I could hear the fire truck on its way. I had to push my truck out of the way so that I didn't start it on the gas. As I left she was yelling she wanted to go home, and the attendants were physically preventing her from getting in her car and starting it in a puddle of gasoline. The pump read $4.93.

-Don

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6 Responses:

  1. bdu says:

    are there really still pumps around that don't require vapor-lock before they start spewing gas?

    • jwz says:

      I read it on the interweb, so it must be true.

      • bdu says:

        well, upon further reading of the thread, it sounds like it may actually be possible to pump before insertion on a lot of mechanisms.

        I wouldn't know, and it's not the sort of thing I'd like to test out.

        It seems prudent to have something in place to prevent rampant stupidity like this from killing bystanders while it cleanses itself from the gene pool.

    • confuseme says:

      This here's Texas, son. We don't need them god-damned vapor-lock doohickeys.

  2. yakko says:

    Is this our future? I am now fearful. Very fearful.

  3. chaobell says:

    Jesus. Just...gaah.

    I wish she was a smoker to boot. That way, once the car was rolling and away from anything else flammable, she could have both removed herself from the gene pool and given us a Darwin Award nominee to laugh at in the process.