It occurs to me that an awful lot of trouble in Gotham City could have been averted a long time ago if Batman had just ripped the Joker's nipples off.
I mean, treatment doesn't work, does it? They stick the Joker in the nuthatch, he comes out again and does the same things.
A man with the nipples ripped off him does not make the same mistakes twice.
Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, and need the nipples ripped off them.
I mean, who's going to argue?
"Batman, I've heard disturbing reports that you ripped the Joker's nipples off."
"Choke on my fuck, Commissioner Gordon."
I mean, crime in Gotham City doesn't exactly seem to be affected by a man dressed as a bat flapping around the place. But no-one disobeys a man wearing a necklace of human nipples.
"I'm Batman" isn't cutting it in the striking-fear-into-their-hearts stakes. But "I'm Batman -- and I'm here for your nipples" is an entirely different proposition.
Criminals would see the error of their ways after a man in a black leather pervert suit had their nipples off with the edge of a Batarang, you mark my words. Or a Bat-Denipplizer.
I'm off to ring Bob Schreck at DC Comics.
Warren Ellis says:
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That would mean, yes, losing 50% of the decent science fiction on TV.
Online petition: www.ipetitions.com
Or, more effectively,
Sci-Fi Programing: 212-413-5821 or comments at 212-413-5577
- USA Networks
The Sci Fi Channel
1230 Avenue of Americas
NY, NY 10020-1513
"Time is of the essence, as the network wants to dismantle sets at the end of next week."
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Commentary Tracks of the Damned
... But filmmakers standing up for their failures exude a certain perverse nobility, and command a lingering fascination: Will they shoulder the blame, or point fingers? Will they inadvertently reveal something dense or pretentious about themselves, clarifying how a bad movie came to be? Do they even recognize that something's wrong? For those with the patience to sit through an entire commentary on, say, Battlefield Earth, there's much to be learned. For those without that kind of patience, The Onion A.V. Club presents the Commentary Tracks Of The Damned.
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