the exodus bandwagon

It seems like twice a day, there's an entry on my friends-of-friends list that goes something like, "Dammit! I'm giving up on LiveJournal and writing on my own site from now on instead." Mostly the reason given for this seems to be "I'm tired of people actually reading and getting pissed off about the things I say, so if I make it a single click less convenient for them to see it, maybe those bad people will all go away and leave me alone."

I think that's really weird.

Maybe spring is just the time of year when young goths' hearts turn to thoughts of taking their toys and going home.

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Yasser, that's my monkey

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clapped out skeletons

Funny Old World

"Although my girls did their best, they gradually became more and more clapped out."

"I was horrified when I saw the skull and skeleton appear on my monitor."

<LJ-CUT text=" --More--( 6%) ">

Ms Kenworthy, the madam of Langtrees brothel, was speaking after a huge influx of American sailors (from the USS Port Royal, the USS Bridge, and the USS John C Stennis) had suddenly overwhelmed her prostitution business. "5,500 sailors disembarked at the docks on Sunday, most of whom had been taking part in the war against terror. They were stressed, because they'd been in a war zone, and they were a lot more agitated sexually than is usual, because they'd been at sea too long. There were queues round the block, and although my girls did their best, they gradually became more and more clapped out. I have a reserve list of 30 girls, but even they were exhausted and there still seemed to be no end in sight. By the third day, many of the girls were unable to walk, and were refusing to have sex, and were asking for money just for taking their clothes off. That's immoral behaviour in my book, and that's when I decided to close the doors."

"We usually find the Yanks are hard work, but lots of fun, but I wish the navy would dribble-feed them in. Couldn't they fly them in a thousand at a time, instead of unloading them all at once? That way we could cope. And I wish they wouldn't bring along their bloody chewing gum and tights. That sort of thing no longer impresses the girls."


"I was horrified when I saw the skull and skeleton appear on my monitor," Police Officer Gurmej Marzouki told a hastily-convened press conference at Dubai Airport, "and I immediately signalled for assistance. I initially assumed that someone was trying to smuggle a dead body in a suitcase through the security scanner. But once we'd shut down the machine and begun to investigate, we found Mr Artine sitting patiently on the conveyor belt, inside the machine, amid a row of suitcases."

An airport spokesman later explained what had happened when Artine W., a Somali national, had approached the baggage scanner. "This was his first-ever flight, and he was transiting Dubai on his way to Qatar. He knew that all passengers had to go through a security check with their luggage before boarding the plane, and apparently he did not realise that the X-ray machine is only for baggage. So he put his suitcases on the conveyor belt, and dived in after them, disappearing inside the machine. He'd heard of body scanners, and thought that's what everyone was supposed to do. When we told him that it was an X-ray machine, he became agitated, and began asking us `Did you find anything? Have I got cancer??' To quieten him down, we told him we weren?t certain, and that he ought to get a second opinion."

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extreme ironing

extreme ironing

The sport that is 'extreme ironing' is an outdoor activity that combines the danger and excitement of an 'extreme' sport with the satisfaction of a well pressed shirt.


Violent Monkey Wanted a Drink

How is it that nobody told me about

[MONKEYWIRE] INDIA - A monkey that turned violent after it was denied its daily alcohol fix is terrorizing a village in India. According to the Asian Age Newspaper, teenage boys in the Rajajipuram district began serving alcohol to the monkey each day to watch its drunken antics. When the boys stopped, the monkey began attacking people. It reportedly bit off a 7 year-old boy's ear late last week, and went on to attack at least 12 more people. News of the attacks has spread through the village, and some parents have stopped sending their children to school, the newspaper reported. (Boston Metro)

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"admit it - you're a frantic masturbator."

To the guy with the spy-cam pointed at my window

[...] And while we're on the subject, how about opening your blinds once in a while? I mean it's only neighborly, if you're shining your pole while watching me, to let me get a peek at you sometimes, right? I mean my blinds are drawn and the window is open. It's only fair that I should get to see you stroke that cock in a furious blur. Come on, you blur don't you? You can admit it.