Death Metal English

Adjectives: In Death Metal English, they're like guitar solos. You aren't using enough. Add more.

My favorite thing about Death Metal English is that it isn't subject matter-specific. Of course, it works best when you're talking about Satan, or Lovecraft, or murder or whatever. But you can turn pretty much any phrase or sentence into fodder for a sick death metal song using the same tropes:

Normal English: "Commuting to work"
Death Metal English: "TRANSPORTATION OF THE WAGEBOUND UNTO THE NEXUS OF PERPETUAL QUOTIDIAN ENSLAVEMENT"

Normal English: "This bok choy isn't very good"
Death Metal English: "CASTIGATING THE VERDANT ISSUANCE OF THE SOILS OF JIANGNAN"

Normal English: "I need to take a nap"
Death Metal English: "RIPPED INTO THE UTTER EXHAUSTION OF THE MIDDLE DAY"

Normal English: "Thanks for explaining the train schedule"
Death Metal English: "PROFFERING GRATITUDE UPON THE CHRONOCRATION OF THE JUGGERNAUTS OF RETICULATED METALS AND FIRE"

Normal English: "You have to mow the lawn"
Death Metal English: "BRING DOWN THE SCYTHE OF GODS UPON THE NECKS OF THE GREEN-RIBBED LEGIONS AND SWEEP AWAY THEIR WRETCHED BODIES; THOU ART IMPLORED BY ME"

Previously, previously.

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6 Responses:

  1. And we have a contender for the next drink special name.

  2. Owen Davis says:

    It's totally true... The article mentions Carcass, but I definitely think Carcass was one of the bands that really pushed death metal lyrics in that direction.

  3. DaveBowman says:

    THIS HAS UNEXPECTEDLY PRODUCED THE HIGHT DELIGHTS AND BROUGHT TO GREAT SUCCESS MY OTHERWISE ORDINARILY BLEAK DAY.

  4. Tim says:

    This is amazing...

  5. Kyzer says:

    And if you'd like music to go with the lyrics, that's easy too!

  6. Liam says:

    That's Black metal, not Death metal. Shame on OP.