"Aspiration Therapy"

Get one for the bulimic in your life today!

The AspireAssist gives patients control over their weight loss by a method known as Aspiration Therapy. With Aspiration Therapy, patients "aspirate" (drain) a portion of their stomach contents into the toilet after each meal through an endoscopically-implanted tube, reducing the number of calories absorbed by the body. The tube is implanted in the stomach, and leads to a small, low-profile port at the surface of the skin. Aspiration performed about twenty minutes after a meal will remove about a third of the calories consumed.


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11 Responses:

  1. Perhaps never in my life have I been so grateful for flashblock.

    • Misha N says:

      @Doctor Memory: Agreed!

      This sounds like a terrible idea -- it doesn't address the problem of people consuming too much.

  2. James says:

    "skinport"

    My saving throws to disbelieve aren't going the way I'd like today.

  3. Joe says:

    Shame they're wasting the aspiration. Users could also solve non-FWPs by letting the hungry suckle on their aspirator. They could even charge if they just got done gorging at a high-end restaurant.

  4. Seth Gordon says:

    The Romans had a much simpler way of accomplishing the same thing.

  5. Joel says:

    I think there is an untapped market that would buy this as a means to ingest from a tank of nutrient rich slurry. Eating through the mouth is so inefficient.

  6. Tim says:

    Why stop at one skinport? You could install six or eight of them in parallel, like nipples. Tom Six should be all over this.

  7. "I see they've installed your skinport already."
    "Don't be angry. Everyone gets one here."

  8. Bravo to the copywriter who had the guts to describe having a tube routed from your stomach to the outside world as "minimally invasive".

  9. Jeremy Leader says:

    Eh, Dr. Beaumont did this years ago! Though the new technique is much neater than a shotgun...