UC Berkeley Librarian To Daily Cal Sex Columnist: 'Please Don't Fuck In The Library'

I understand that there is also no sex in the champagne room.

Her piece details an afternoon romp around a few of the more popular campus spots to bone: in the main library stacks, where up against "the shelves full of books on religion seemed like the best place to fuck." [...]

One unidentified Berkeley librarian writes an earnest plea:

Please don't fuck in the library. I work here. My staff works here. I told my staff I'd do what I can to make sure theirs is a safe and happy workplace. Now, in addition to pedophiles, thieves, and people with poor bowel function, I've got kids using shitty liberal arts justifications to fuck in the library.

I don't want to rain on your liberating parade or interfere with your bucket list, but you don't have to deal with the complaints. I know you would like your sex life to be more exciting, but do you know what is also exciting? Getting to work and thinking, "there won't be people fucking in the library today". Now that is liberating.

Incidentally, thank you for advising people not to ejaculate in the library. After cleaning up garbage, graffiti, shit that is apparently dropped from 10 feet above the toilet, and a variety of bodily fluids, I hesitate to ask cleaning staff to add ejaculate to that list.

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3 Responses:

  1. relaxing says:

    Dear Cal Students,
    Please stop exploring your sexuality. It really freaks us out.
    Love,
    The Librarians

    • Anthony says:

      Dear Cal Students,

      Please stop thinking that your generation discovered freaky sex. You didn't. We've probably done freakier things than you imagine. If we catch you in the act, we're going to point and laugh. Loudly.

      Love,
      The Librarians

      • kellyu says:

        Dear Cal Students,

        Please don't use condoms for bookmarks. Particularly used ones.

        Thank you,
        The Librarians.