"Just try to relax and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy."
Then one of the nurses calls me and says, "The doctor would like to know why you're rolling around on a table full of semen." And I say, "TELL HIM THAT'S NOT HOW I NORMALLY SPEND MY SATURDAYS."
I laughed, I cringed, I composed an email to my female partner with the link, and when my explanatory preface got to two paragraphs I deleted the email.
I'm still laughing, and while I'm not a massage fan, this pretty much guarantees I'll never go again. SO. MUCH. EWWW.
That was horrible and hilarious all at once.
I feel like this woman is the female counterpart to Tucker Max....
There was a scene in Caligula about that.