how to sell sugar water (iä, iä)

This is apparently the new Orangina mascot:

Update: watch, with horror, the commercial.

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55 Responses:

  1. mc_kingfish says:

    I, for one, welcome our sexy new Cthuloid spokesmodels...

  2. killbox says:

    unless that pair of panties or whatever they are were wet and froze to the icecube.. in another 15 seconds the next photo would have been sprawled bleeding from the head after it slipped off the corner of the melty cube.

  3. phoenixredux says:

    Who comes up with this stuff? This is supposed to make me want to drink soda?? Or is this cthuloid drinking soda after having eaten someone for dinner?

  4. biggeek says:

    Orangina = High fructose corn syrup swill

    Izze Sparkling Clementine = Fizzy orange juicy goodness

  5. mandy_moon says:

    I fully approve. I can even see the letters "S-E-X" lightly shaded into the ice cubes.

  6. ciphergoth says:

    To my astonishment, this is for real. My amazement was so great I underwent the torment of their flash-based website, and this is absolutely for real.

  7. Looks like we just lost the war against the furries.

    • whumpdotcom says:

      Dude, culture lost the war on fandom a long time ago. Even the evangelicals read slash.

    • lionsphil says:

      First we ignore them, then we laugh at them, then we fight them...

      ...then, apparently, they get jobs in marketing.

    • sjthespian says:

      I need to get the pictures downloaded off of my camera. I have a shot of a Paris Metro station from a few weeks ago where every ad. on the opposite platform is one of the new Orangina ads. I think it included the deer, bear, giraffe, cactus, and one other than I can't remember right now.

      The bear looks like something escaped from a furry CGI film....between the muscles and the g-string.

  8. perligata says:

    Aw, the winamp skin is unavailable, but you can still get the "screen mate". (Ew.)

    The bear and hyena ones are creepy as hell. I am in awe of the French.

  9. nelc says:

    Is PZ Myers doing your blog this week?

  10. dossy says:

    I'm disappointed; the breasts only have one nipple each.

    • Are you sure that's a nipple and not a sucker?

      "In Soviet Russia, breast sucks you!"

      • belgand says:

        I was freaked out a bit to find that they bothered to put in visible nipples.

        Not as much as I am for realizing that she likely not only has a beak, but a single vagina/mouth/anus opening (which I'm sure is someone's fetish... I just think it means less variety). So not only are those panties totally pointless, but vagina dentata doesn't even begin to describe what would happen to someone trying to get in on that.

  11. benediktus says:

    what comes to my mind is the ad campaign from frèdèric beigbeder's book "99 francs" (i highly recommend reading it).

  12. holywar says:

    I am ashamed that I recently bought Orangina for the first time in years. Now they are going to think this worked.

  13. jwz says:

    I tried to shrink it to under 100x100 and 40K so that it will work as an LJ userpic, but I failed. Maybe someone else will succeed.

    • lionsphil says:

      On the upside, being forced to watch that over and over again has at least shown that she's not lactating fizzy, yellow flavourings, but is instead squashing citrus fruit against her mammaries.

      Her...mammaries. On a squid-thing. Which is not a mammal. Hmm.

    • auntieruth says:

      here you go:

      This one is 38.5 kb. (jdev led me here.)

  14. valentwine says:

    This is less surprising when you consider the product is named after a portmanteau of Orange and vagina.

  15. remonstrare says:

    I like to think there's a reason for it other than furry fandom, but that's probably because I'm in denial that something so fucking perverted could ever be mainstream enough to be a national advertising campaign in a major European country.

    My French friend says that anything with breasts will sell well in France. This does not explain the need for animals and plants!

    If it was just the octopus, it could almost be understood, because the standard Orangina marketing is "regardez, il a la pulpe d'orange". The french word for octopus is poulpe. A witty splash of wordplay. But unless the word for "fizzy drink" is girafe, cactus, ours or lionne, I'm not buying it.

  16. stolzenberg says:

    The commercial is like a night at the DNA Lounge.

    I have a feeling you're generating more publicity for this product than the gimmick ever will.

    • lionsphil says:

      I also have a feeling that nobody he sees this "publicity" will want to purchase Orangina.

      • stolzenberg says:

        Yeah, nobody that reads jwz's digests.

        But soon these images will appear in other places, creating a chain reaction...and Orangina is a top selling beverage.

        I don't think that Orangina has an official mascot. If you go to the site, they have various...creatures roaming around. And a cactus.