Ascension

Statler and Waldorf, by whom I mean me and Dr. Kingfish, text while watching shitty, shitty TV:

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Have you tried "Ascension"?
Yes I watched the first one. Thought it was decent until about 30 minutes after it ended when I realized how stupid it was.
Yeah, that's what I did... It was neat to look at, but basically they just stole the entire premise from Twin Peaks, then spooged out the big "twist" (*koff*) in the very first episode.
I'm still deciding if I care enough to watch the next ones.
The whole time I was like - all of this with no ground support? And then the twist - all of this with 1960s tech? Nope.
Yeah.
Unless the program really started in the 80s and half the crew are actors - which I actually suspect.
That works.
No. That's fucking stupid. It's BSG again.
Yeah, I pretty much hated everything about BSG.
So they do have ground support - and they never sent a new song or a newspaper?
Right... How do they not have the ability to receive radio and TV signals...
How do they not have the ability to tell that OPTICAL TELESCOPES are looking at a MATTE PAINTING
Ha! That too!
You don't even have to get into Doppler on the radio!!
At the very least, give us a lame script- excuse for all this crap!
They are nightly drugging them into Lost levels of stupidity and incuriosity
Ha!
Also: so over the "you lower level trash" -- because that's what it's like in the space program (and everything.) They totally would have roles that were "just pig farmers."
I almost screamed at the tv when they Spocked the corpse. BIOMASS GOES IN THE GREEN BUCKET.
Haha!!! I thought the same!!
So much for the Soylent dip at the Launch Day party!
At the very least, desicate her and refill a couple buckets in the water reclamation tank!
You just gave me a TV headache.
What to you wanna bet Little River Tam is *actually psychic*? Or that there are angels or some shit?
I'm guessing Real Aliens are coming... And they're almost here... Which is why they started the project was started 50 years ago... And annoying kid is being contacted by them, because: TV.
Also: lots of open space on that submarine. Up in the air. Where you can't use it.
Ha! Science!
Also I think they were trying to show red and blue shifted stars, but only 30 degrees apart.
And I think you need to be at like 99% of c to get that, which means Centauri in a year, not 100
Woo hoo!
Also, you know, impossible.
That too. Well, BSG was pretty big with the scientific eye-rolling.
Alright that's it... I'm going in. I'm gonna watch episode 2 of Ascension.
Oh did that air already?
I think 3 did also, but it's only up to 2 on the Hulus.
There's a "what the fuck" in the first 2 min.
Also, how did they fake the g forces --of a spaceship bigger than the Empire State Building-- of the launch 50 years ago?
And what do the "engines" do? I mean, I get they could just be pointed in a direction in space, but somebody has to be running and maintaining something that looks like a power plant, right?
Yup
They probably had them drugged during launch
Oh hey, and I guess they drug everybody anytime they need to go in and upgrade all the surveillance equipment they use to keep tabs on them... Cuz those iPads aren't directly wired to those vacuum tube TVs.
Okay, we're putting you in a giant spaceship for 100 years... Make sure you bring enough neckties and 2 piece suits, that never wear out... Oh, and your descendants need to be able to fit in your clothes, so plan for that.
Also, make sure you use your 1960's medicines to ensure the next generation or two aren't overwhelmingly all male or something...
Dude is getting shaved with a cake of solid shaving soap. How many of those did they bring when they "left."
They made them from baby fat
Oh right.
60s infant mortality rate.
Spare biomass.
I want my baby back, baby back, baby back...
Also where are all the old people? 51 years is a long time, but it's entirely within reason that there'd still be some original crew.
(I know, I know... Biomass.)
Logan's Run!
Renew! Renew!
They retire to the Miami Ark.
So wait. Everyone over 51 was "born" on earth. The captain, the councilman?
Yeah I was trying to figure that out... I think they're saying now that some families came along, with kids.
One of your guesses just came true, btw.
I'm 20 min into part 2
Yeah you'll see
Apparently the ship runs on coal
Right??
I hate this show.
Hahahaha!
Dr. Fritz Lieber? And the girl is named Valis?
Apparently it's in Helfer's contract that she has to show her ass twice an episode
Hey! Wake up!
When you get to the end of part 3 you are literally gonna throw your shoe at the tv.
And those iPads they invented on the ship - what do you figure their transistor fab looks like? And what part of China mined the rare earth metals for them? Or will we learn that a member of the crew is Dr. John Dee, Actual Alchemist?
They made them from poop.
Delivered
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Nintype

I bought this crazy-assed replacement on-screen keyboard for iOS, and it's interesting, but after having used it for a couple of days the primary effect I've discovered is that I'm just typing a lot less because it's so fucking hard to do. I guess I'm giving up now.

I never got the hang of swiping with both thumbs: it seems like there's a timeout where if you take too long between letters it decides you're done? Or something? And when typing a long word, the whole keyboard gets so covered with glowy Tron psychedelia that you can't even read the keycaps any more. There are popup menus for correction where you're expected to pull down then move left or right, and inevitably the thing you're trying to find is occluded directly under your hand, no matter which hand you use.

I remember finding on-screen keyboards initially incredibly frustrating, but I don't think it was this frustrating. At this point I think what I really want is just one that has much better text prediction. (the stock iOS 8 keyboard is enormously better than iOS 7 in this regard.)

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Funny story: I also magically poop charms.

Lalaloopsy:

"I was very disappointed that the charms were not pooped magically, but clearly pooped using the rational laws of science. Still, a poop-charm is a poop-charm, as Woodrow Wilson used to say. Three stars."

"This toy has added a lot of fun to potty-training; my daughter has been searching for charms in all of her bowel movements, and I'm searching for more charms to hide!"

...and "Peanut Big Top" is my Juggalo name.

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Wikipedia: Repository of All Human Knowledge.

After Dark (software): Difference between revisions
Revision as of 07:33, 17 December 2014

Golden Shard
m (The reason I am changing this is because it has false information I am trying to fix)

- ==Flying Toasters==

Of the screensaver modules included, the most famous is the iconic ''Flying Toasters'' which featured 1940s-style chrome [[toaster]]s sporting bird-like wings, flying across the screen with pieces of toast. A slider enabled users to adjust the toast's darkness and an updated ''Flying Toasters Pro'' module added a choice of music -- [[Richard Wagner]]'s [[Ride of the Valkyries]] or a flying toaster anthem with optional karaoke lyrics.<ref>{{cite web|url= http://www.mymac.com/showarticle.php?id=1363|archiveurl= http://web.archive.org/web/20100107035003/ http://www.mymac.com/showarticle.php?id=1363|archivedate=2010-01-07 |title=AfterDark Deluxe  -- Review |publisher=Mymac.com |date= |accessdate=2010-03-18}}</ref> Yet another version called ''Flying Toasters!'' added bagels and pastries, baby toasters, and more elaborate toaster animation. The Flying Toasters were one of the key reasons why After Dark became popular, and Berkeley began to produce other merchandising products such as T-shirts, with the Flying Toaster image and slogans such as "The 51st Flying Toaster Squadron: On a mission to save your screen!"

+
==Flying Toasters==

Originally developed by the military for use in reconnaissance, it rapidly became apparent to all that flying toasters were far more useful for delivering provisions to captured or trapped soldiers than they were as spies, due partly to a number of handicaps from which the toasters suffered which interfered with their abilities as spies. Notable among their drawbacks were a lack of eyes, ears, or other senses which would have allowed them to actually learn anything, as well as their innate lack of brain which would have prevented them from remembering anything had they actually learned it.

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Unedited Footage of a Bear

Previously.

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juggaLOVE

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Buy Real Magical Mormon Underwear online

What Is Mormon's Secret?

Mormon's Secret is the first and only site in the world selling real Mormon underwear (temple garments) to all adults, regardless of their religious affiliation. For the first time in history, online shoppers can purchase these magical temple garments without first joining the Mormon church and giving up 10% of their income in tithes. Our goal is to make "magical" underwear available to the masses for use as costume wear, fetish wear, and all your kinky, dress-up needs.

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All of our garments follow the authentic Mormon patterns, heirloom stitching techniques, and traditional Masonic symbols hand-sewn on each garment. The underwear are available in both tops and bottoms, and come in both cotton and mesh fabrics for men, as well as a spanx-like cotton-spandex blend for women. Surprisingly, there is no such thing as kosher Mormon underwear. None of the religious groups that make and distribute temple garments go through a consecration or blessing process. The Mormon Church's secret for making magic underwear is part pattern and part recipe. So to sum it up, our Mormon underwear are as magical as you can get! Our garments even come packaged with a satirical yet accurate description of the actual Mormon underwear initiation ritual that includes nudity, biblical references, and magical expectations.

Why Would I Want To Wear Mormon Underwear If I'm Not Mormon?

  • Comfort
  • Humor
  • You believe in freedom of underwear
  • You have a fetish with Mormonism
  • You used to be a Mormon, still love the underwear, and you're no longer in contact with your supplier
  • You're a costume designer for a Mormon mockumentary
  • Your wife has a thing for Mormon boys, and you're trying to satisfy her needs
  • You want to dress like/feel/be Ann or Mitt Romney
  • You want the funniest political Halloween costume of 2012

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Jeff 1000



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Japanese junk-porn santa

You know, for kids!

A pensioner who dumped almost a quarter of a tonne of pornography in a Japanese park is unlikely to be charged, police said Tuesday, because the stash belonged to an ill friend.

Hideaki Adachi was spotted unloading 17 sacks of films and magazines, which included around 500 VHS video tapes, from the back of a truck at a small park in the western Japanese city of Osaka.

"He wanted to get rid of them out of goodwill for his friend," a spokesman said.

Adachi, who worked as a volunteer in the park helping homeless people, had hoped that the huge collection of adult materials would be picked up and taken to a proper disposal site.

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Tonga

I love the aesthetic and history of this place, but holy crap are the drinks terrible.

Also, not to slut-shame or anything but I think this tiki god spends a lot of time on its knees.

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